My thoughts are all over today, and I thought I would place a few here. One of Tacey's friends from school, not a really close friend, but someone she knew, laughed with, was silly with, talked with, someone she KNEW, killed himself Friday morning. She called hysterical from school, and I went to pick her up for the day.
When I arrived at the school, I didn't even need to enter the building to feel the grief. It was an absolutely physical sensation that brought tears to my eyes. I checked in with the office, and then went to find her. Kids were roaming the halls crying, kids were sitting at desks crying, some of them were collapsed in the hallway from the overwhelming emotion they were feeling. Mostly, they didn't know how to handle the grief and shock they were feeling.
It makes me wonder about the youth today. I would like to say this was a random event, but it wasn't. Suicide is all to common here in our little town, it also seems to come in waves. Is it because the 'die' so often in video games that they do not understand the permanence of such an act? This young man had attempted to kill himself with an overdose, but when he awoke the next morning and was still alive, he used a gun. Tacey keeps asking me 'why'? I have no answers for her; I don't know why anyone would do something like this. Helping her through this, like many other things, was not in the Parenting Manual. All I can say is; I took her from school that day so I could be the one to help her grieve and come to terms with what her friend had done. She has come to me several times in the last few days and continued to open up to me about all that she is going through. She will be going to the viewing and the funeral, but she will be accompanied by one or both of her parents. She may be a mature 15 yr-old girl, but she is not equipped to deal with this on her own. Heck, most adults are not equipped to deal with it.
To me, the saddest part of the whole thing is that this 16 yr-old young man, so handsome, talented and smart, could be so sad; yet there was no indication of it. That he could have no hope. No hope that things would get better; that his only release from what was hurting him was to kill himself. I am a woman of faith, and I PRAY that if any of my children, or any of you who read this EVER feel this hopeless I will know. That I can be a voice of love and consolation is what ever sea you are drowning in. That is my prayer.
With love,
Danielle
